


The hot barista from hell

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: How to woo your local barista [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Barista Raphael, Demisexual Raphael Santiago, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had thought this through, he really had, - maybe not the choice to wear his <em>Captain America</em> T-Shirt to impress someone with an obvious sense of fashion - but the words he planned on saying just vanished as soon as the barista, <em>Raphael</em>, looked up and met his eyes. In another surge of panic, Simon didn't even give the other man a chance to greet him but blurted out the first words that came back to his frighteningly empty mind: "Hey, are you okay?" He should stop right there...</p><p>Raphael, his lips already slightly parted for the usual welcome, frowned in obvious confusion and even tilted his head the tiniest bit to the side before finally replying with a puzzled "Yeah. Why?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The hot barista from hell

"You're really going to do this?" Clary frowned at her best friend in disbelieve and got a nervous, yet determined, grin in return. Simon nodded, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose while taking a deep breath.

"Yes, I am. I'm going to woo him like he's never been wooed and then I'm going to get my well-deserved date with the sexiest barista that ever walked the earth," he replied and couldn't stop a small, nervous laughter from spilling over his lips. Okay, Simon had to admit this sounded so much more confident than he felt but if he couldn't even act confident in front of his best friend, how should he be able to pull this off in front of his crush? He was pretty sure this was a bad idea and he would embarrass himself horribly but he had made up his mind and didn't want to regret it later when he didn't at least give it a try.

"You're going to  _woo_  him, really?" The redhead laughed and patted Simon's shoulder before opening the door to the coffee shop they frequented ever since starting college. This coffee shop had the best and also cheapest coffee near campus, besides being a comfy place to meet up with their small group of friends in between or after lectures. Simon immediately spotted the  _sexiest barista that ever walked the earth_ , looking as grumpy and gorgeous as ever, standing at the register and handing a customer their change while his colleague was moving around behind the counter and working on said customer's order.

"I'll be at the table near the window - just get me the usual. Good luck, Simon," Clary said with an encouraging smile that would have made his heart flutter until almost a year ago but ever since Simon had laid eyes on the often grim looking boy working in this coffee shop, his romantic feelings for his best friend had died down scarily fast. He had been in love with Clary for what felt like his whole life and suddenly it took only one look at an insultingly hot barista to draw his attention in.

Simon mumbled his thanks before slowly walking up to the counter, mentally preparing for the greatest embarrassment of his young life because no way in hell would this handsome man still be single; though, if by chance he was single, he would most definitely either not be interested in guys or just not interested in a guy like Simon. Either way, his chances of walking out of this with an intact pride were...barely there, if even.

He had thought this through, he really had, - maybe not the choice to wear his  _Captain America_  T-Shirt to impress someone with an obvious sense of fashion - but the words he planned on saying just vanished as soon as the barista,  _Raphael_ , looked up and met his eyes. In another surge of panic, Simon didn't even give the other man a chance to greet him but blurted out the first words that came back to his frighteningly empty mind: "Hey, are you okay?" He should stop right there...

Raphael, his lips already slightly parted for the usual welcome, frowned in obvious confusion and even tilted his head the tiniest bit to the side before finally replying with a puzzled "Yeah. Why?"

"It must have hurt when you fell from heaven," Simon replied with the probably poorest attempt at a flirty smile while inwardly freaking out because  _why on earth did Clary allow him to publicly open his mouth in front of his hopeless crush?!_ He really wished for the ground to swallow him right up. Never ever could he set foot in this coffee shop again after humiliating himself like this. Raphael's unimpressed face did not exactly help his internal meltdown and Simon was considering making a run for it - not the mature solution but he honestly didn't give a single fuck about being mature at this point.

"No, I'm sorry, there must be a misunderstanding: I climbed my way up from hell."

Simon blinked. Once. Twice.  _What??_

He suddenly recognised, underneath the blank expression of Raphael's devastatingly pretty eyes, an emotion that he honestly hadn't anticipated: _Amusement._  Raphael didn’t pity his awful attempt at a pick-up line and he also wasn't categorising him as a nutcase;  _Raphael actually played along!_

"Oh, well, that explains why you're so fucking hot," Simon shot back after a few seconds and he had never been more thankful for his mouth's ability to function without his brain being involved.

Raphael huffed at this reply and Simon almost missed this sound over the loud coffee-maker in the background but he just so managed to catch it and his heart fluttered at the thought that he was the one who had been able to draw this sound from Raphael.

"What can I get you or is the only purpose of your visit here to show me your horrible sense of humour?" Raphael asked but the hint of a smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth told Simon that the other didn't actually think of his humour as horrible. There was an immense weight off Simon's shoulders because he might have screwed up sticking to his own plan but he still managed to make a somewhat good impression. At least he almost made Raphael laugh - that had to count for something, right?

"I'm also here to order something, yes. I take a  _Green Tea Crème Frappuccino_ , the  _Espresso Frappuccino_  and your number, please." Simon knew he was probably pushing his luck now but he had decided to not just settle on finally flirting with Raphael after more than half a year of pining from afar but to aim for a date.  _Go big or go home_.

Raphael snorted softly in amusement and shook his head in disbelieve before punching in the two frappuccinos. Simon immediately dropped the change into the tip jar next to the register, as soon as the other handed him the money and then watched Raphael mix the two orders. Simon loved to watch the slightly shorter man's broad shoulders while he moved around with the back towards him and it was kind of sad that Raphael was pretty excellent at his job because it prevented Simon from being able to enjoy the view for very long until the drinks were finished.

"You forgot your number," Simon pointed out as soon as the other handed him the two cups.

"No, I didn't forget. I'm not handing out my number to just anybody. When you drop by in the future, talk to me without stupid pick-up lines and let's try to get to know each other. Maybe, if you put in some more effort, I decide that you're likeable enough to receive my number."

It wasn't a  _yes_  but it wasn't a  _no_  either so Simon could probably still count it as a win. He agreed a little breathlessly and almost tripped over his own feet after saying goodbye because Raphael sent him a playful little smirk that did all kinds of things to his poor little heart.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's not beta-read and I wrote it in the middle of the night so I can't guarantee anything (I tend to feel like I completely messed up when I write something between 12 - 6 am).
> 
> The idea comes from a Tumblr post that I only have a screenshot of, so I can't link it but it says:  
>  _There was this boy who walked up to me today and said "Hey are you ok?" And he looked really concerned, so I'm just like "Yeah why?" He just smiles at me and says "It must have hurt when you fell from heaven." I looked at him like I had no idea what he was talking about "No, I'm sorry, I climbed my way up from hell." His face goes blank for like a second, then he smiles again and says "So that's why you're so fucking hot."_


End file.
